Kraanti ya phir utkraanti????

RDB goes to Oscars!!!
I happened to read this headline somewhere some days back. It instantly reminded me of the time when I had first watched the film. While I was really impressed by the film's intentions and for the major part, the execution of those intentions, I really did not seem to agree with it's basic premise. What the film suggested was,as most Hindi films tend to, a glorious quickfix to the problems faced by us - a revolution, in blood if needed. I had put down my thoughts about the issue in a mail to a friend and I feel that now is an apt time to re-open the debate.So, here goes....
I believe more in evolution rather than revolution - because I believe that evolution is the most feasible,if time-consuming, way of achieving lasting change.No doubt, revolution has its rightful place in the scheme of things but then the necessity for a revolution has to be seen in the existing context rather than simply proposing a drastic upheaval as the sole means to the end.As has been depicted rightly in RDB, there are a lot of things that have gone wrong and are going wrong with this country that is no doubt so dear to us; but a revolution seems to be a very simplistic solution to the problem,which I feel, demands much more pragmatism and a deliberate approach than a revolt of sorts.The entire idea of a revolution sounds very attractive and inspiring to an idealilst mind, but I am sure that the problems that we are facing are much more deep-rooted.
The earlier revolution for fredom succeeded because it was an entirely different era back then.The people had a very strong motivation and desire to revolt in the manner they did.After all, the desire to be free can be a very powerful force.Once you pine for freedom , it's really difficult for anybody to put you down.You will try all means possible to achieve what you feel is justified and rightfully yours.To add to it, the British government we were ruled by really added fuel to fire by committing all sorts of atrocities which I feel, need no repitition.
But today, the entire context has undergone a sea-change.While the earlier generation had tasted the bitterness of slavery,the hopeful uncertainty of the freedom struggle and endured the subsequent horrors of the partition, the youth today have not experienced any of these.Consequently, that fire in the belly to hit out at injustice has mellowed a bit.I have used the words "a bit" because I still believe that today's youth has that ability to change the world around them rather than just sit on their bottom and crib about how the world has failed them.But what has happened is that the motivation to fight for a cause has taken the backseat in comparision to the aspirations of a successful career, material comforts and of course, the all-pervading factor - money.
Another important factor, which I feel matters, is the changed social and political scenario today.While our grandfather's generation was ruled by a foreign power and our father's generation was an integral part of a newborn nation and thus inhabited a very different mileu , we are part of a nation that has attained a degree of maturity and hence, has a different set of problems to tackle.The problems that we face today ie: corrupt system,unemployment,falling moral standards etc. are ones for which there is no quick-fix.These are systemic problems, which by definition, are deep-rooted enough not to be solved by a revolution or two.What is needed instead is a more planned approach.I feel that to solve the problems with the system, you have to be a part of the system and not try to overthrow it and replace it with an entirely new one.I have enough faith in the existing system to say that it can definitely serve us well, provided the right people are in charge of it.While a revolution might serve to kickstart the entire process like a sparkplug in a car,it's not the means that will take us to the desired end.Our problems,I repeat, are not at all solvable by resorting to violence in the manner suggested in RDB.
As with any issue, there can be many opinions about this one,too. I look forward to having a constructive discussion with anyone who cares enough to contribute. You might want to take this up on your blog or at the very least, leave a comment. Please feel free to do so.

New beginnings...

I know I have been VERY lazy when it comes to updating my blog in the recent past. It had a lot to do with too many things happening in too short a time.But now I am back and will be posting more frequently.For starters, I have started a new blod where I will explore unknown territory - my mind, or more specifically, my dreams.If you always suspected that there was something crooked about me beneath my "good boy" avataar, this will confirm and exceed your worst suspicions, and if you took me at face value, well, you are in for a major shock. Walk into the shadows at http://darkvistas.blogspot.com
See you there...

Soul curry again...

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Aha...there you are!!!

Time passed like honey oozing through a pinhole. It was already an hour past the decided time and there were no signs of her turning up.He was getting more and more restless with every passing minute.She loved doing this to him - promising him every morning to meet at the designated time at their usual meeting place near the corner of the beach, keeping him stranded for hours and then never ever turning up. Though she did this to him with unfailing regularity, he still used to wait for her everyday, hoping that she would turn up anytime - with that sweet apologetic smile of hers which would manage to cool him down instantly, no matter how irritated he would be with the long wait. But she never did turn up.
Even today, the same pattern of events was unfolding - much to his chagrin. Frustrated to no end, he decided that today was the last time he was going to be subjected to this dishonourable routine. He promised himself that he was going to settle this once and for all today itself, no matter how long a wait it took him. With this resolve having been made, he cooled down a bit and proceeded with the waiting game, to no avail. She did not turn up as always and he had to come back home when it got too dark to stand and wait on the beach.
As he climbed up the stairs to his apartment, he was feeling angry and idiotic at the same time - angry with her for not turning up and idiotic for believing her promises like a fool every single day.Walking in, he chucked away the roses he had bought for her into the wastebin - they were useless now. He was in an agitated state of mind and thought a drink would do him good.Picking up the drink from the counter, he found that he was out of ice. "That calls for a trip to the fridge" - he said aloud to himself. He loved doing that - talking aloud to himself, irrespective of what people used to say about that habit of his.Holding his drink in one hand, he opened the giant freezer.
"Aha...there you are!!!" - he exclaimed, "And to think that I have been waiting for you all day long at the beach". She was lying there - fresh as dew. The days spent in the freezer had failed to dull her pristine beauty a single bit, except for a deep gash running across her neck. "If only she had not protested so much...", he said aloud to himself, as he shut the freezer door.
Tommorow was going to be another long day at the beach....

Untitled...

The mist in her unbelieving eyes resonated in his own as he stepped away from her, leaving her, hands helplessly outstretched, near the gate.The old gate which had been a witness to all that had ever been between them, stood still as ever, all-observing,silent. The hurt in her eyes broke his heart into a million pieces. "This is proving to be a lot tougher than expected" - he said to himself as he walked his way, purposefully oblivious to her sobs, growing increasingly inaudible with each passing step. As he grew increasingly closer to his final destination, his mind grew increasingly clouded with the visages of the only woman he had ever loved , in the truest sense of the word.
The sights and sounds of that fog-beaten winter evening in Delhi still echoed true and clear.He was sitting in his favourite coffee-shop near the large glass window, watching the pre-occupied metropolis go by in its own trance.Apni hi dhun mein chalta jaata hai ye shahar....he said to himself, deliberately delaying the last sip, as had always been his wont.He was about to leave when he saw her walk in.Clad in a simple salwar kameez, she seemed to be a total misfit in the plastic sophistication of cofee commerce. Yet, there was something disarmingly appealing about her that made him do something he would have never allowed himself to do - fall for her.He had always prided himself on his ability to connect to people and he made good use of this as he walked over to her and introduced himself. That small introduction had then gone on to reach bigger proportions, so much so that today, she was the only thing that could have stood between him and his ultimate goal.
"I am leaving, to never return. I won't tell you where and I am not taking you along.This is where we meet for the last time" - to utter those few words had taken an Herculean effort on his part. Even more difficult was looking her into the eyes as she gazed at him blankly, not wanting to believe what she had just heard.After what seemed to be an eternity, as the import of his words finally struck her, she broke down like a crystal vase hitting the cold stone floor.She had pleaded with him to take her along or atleast to tell her as to why he was doing this to her .She would die without him - she said.At that moment, something burnt with so much intensity within him that he felt like pulling her towards him and embrace her, never to part again. Only the numb awareness of what lay in store for him prevented him from doing so.What had followed thereafter was emotional mayhem as her grief and his enacted antipathy collided in a display of intimate pathos.With the greatest difficulty, he had managed to extricate himself from her desperate embrace and walk away - afraid to look behind, afraid that he would not be able to stop himself from going back to her.
As he reached the Secreteriat building, waves of doubt raised within him - would his action achieve what he had been told it would.He quelled them, telling himself that this was nothing but her that was making him think so.As he entered the gates, he absent-mindedly felt the underside of his jacket.Everything was in place.Precison plannning was another thing he prided himself on and this was his final plan.Crossing the gates and the foyer, he entered the main hall.Dodging the security had been easier than he had accounted for.Looking at the multitude of people inhabiting the hall,he knew that he had selected the right time and location.Now he had to act before anything went wrong.
As he slided his hand under the jacket and flicked the switch, the only image he could see in his eyes was hers, the only sound that rung clear in his ears was hers.The million smithereens that his body blew into were nothing compared to the way her heart had broke that morning.


P.S: I did write this piece, but I find myself unable to find a suitable title for it.If you feel you can do so, you are free to visit the comments section and drop your suggestions there.
:-)

A wrinkled future...

The inspiration (if you may call it so) for this post arises from something I came across while travelling by train about a month ago. Now, train travel in a melting pot like Mumbai does give rise to a plethora of experiences provided you keep your eyes and ears open in the right sense. Even then, I had not accounted for what I eventually saw and heard.
On a leisurely, though sultry afternoon, I got into a Churchgate-bound local. The train was not too packed, which gave me the luxury to freely let my gaze move around and observe the various specimens of humanity that call this city their home. From the mandatory newly-wed couple seemingly lost in their own world to the typical share-market somebody conversing on the phone at a decibel level high enough to bring down the WTC, this particular compartment was amost resembling a microcosm of the human species.
The train had crossed Mahim when my ears detected a sound that seemed to be particulary distinct from the rest, a voice that seemed to carry the burden of pathos arising from lost dignity. It belonged to an old woman who seemed to be on the wrong side of 70 at first glance. She was moving around the compartment begging for alms. Now, beggars are not an uncommon entity to come across in this part of the world but this one had something disturbingly different about her. In stark conmtrast to other beggars who seek to literally blackmail you into parting with a few units of Indian currency, she moved across the compartment with her hand stretched out, though she did not seem to be beseeching people for some cash. If somebody did put a coin in her hand, she gratefully acknowledged it, otherwise she just moved on. All along, she seemed to be speaking to herself and I concentrated, trying to make out the contents. As I listened to her, what I managed to make out was - she and her husband were turned out of her house by her son who was of the opinion that they had outlived their utility to him. Since her husband was ailing, she was forced to beg in the trains. Though I was initially reluctatant to believe her entirely, her voice had a honesty that I found difficult to ignore. Also, one of her sentences stayed with me - "Whatever you do in life, ensure that you don't have to depend on your kids in your old age". These were the utterances of someone who had been subjected to the ultimate ignominy - that of your children throwing you away like used towels after all that you had done for them. Those words really disturbed me deep within. They were a symbol of broken faith, and subconsciously I found myself standing in the trial-box - a representative of the 'human' society that had failed her miserably.

Though I got down the train after some time, the image of that old lady, broken by fate, yet holding on to the last shreds of dignity, has remained with me. It really set me thinking as to how people can be so insensitive and cruel (that's the only word that comes to my mind right now) so as to desert their parents when they need them the most. Having had an upbringing which holds familial ties above (almost) everything else and having seen my parents take so much care of their ailing parents, I really find it diffcult to comprehend what makes people do that. I guess it all boils down to your basic nature combined with the kind of upbringing you have had. Also, the dog-eat-dog realities of metrolpolitan living tend to scrape off the remaining shards of humanity. I believe that we seriously need to have in place a system to take care of the elderly. After all, a dignified life is the bare minimum that they deserve after all that they have done to make us into what we are today. The government infrastructure might succeed in resolving the problem to some extent but by and large, its our collective responsibility as a society to give our elders an environment in which they don't have to beg in train compartments to survive. In our own small ways, we can contribute towards this. It is for each of us to figure out for themselves as to what they can do but we have to do something if we wish to make any claims of being a 'civilised' society.

P.S: Writing this post was a moving experience for me and I find myself increasingly willing to do something towards it.How that is to be done - I will decide soon. If reading this post awakens the desire to make a difference in even a single person, I will consider this post a success.

Soul Curry...

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone. Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people. Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run. No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way. You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle. Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings. A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning. You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

This quiz was fun....

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm. A break-up usually comes as a shock to you. You always think things are going well.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

Mann ki gali...

Today seems to be that kind of a day when virtually anything that I do ends up sending my mind walking down memory lane, often to those dark bylanes which I consciously (and often, unsuccessfully) seek to avoid. So rather than trying to fight my subconscious and causing further distress in the process, I thought - why not seek catharsis in expressing those thoughts rather than fighting them. Of course, this will more be about observation rather than inference, more about asking questions than seeking answers as I don't find myself in a position to arrive at a dispassionate conclusion.
So what's it that sends my mind on a trip to neverland today? It's that unfathomable phenomenon which we insufficiently manage to define as Love. More precisely, the following words try to frame my thoughts as to why do we 'love' somebody, why we so desperately want someone to be a part of our life, our being - so much so that if not fulfilled, these desires turn into poison for the soul.
I feel that when we say that we 'love' a person and want to be with him/her, its basic human possessiveness at work. The statement that we love somebody, more often than not, simply means that we desire that person on the basis of not what he/she actually is, but on our perception of who or how he/she is. Essentially, it's our own thought that we are in love with and this is what makes it especially hard to let go when things don't go our way. Human beings have an inborn ego (here I mean a sense of self & self-importance) and it is never too easy to accept that we can ever make a wrong choice or that we don't measure up to somebody's standards or that someone simply does not perceive us in the same way in which we perceive them. This, I believe, is what causes all the heart-burn. When we desire somebody, we effectively invest a part of ourselves into that desire and when the investment does not seem to bear fruit, there is this sense of loss that haunts us to desperation. So, what we are essentially dealing with is a sense of self-loss rather than plain rejection or failure. As with other investments, we then assess the extent of loss and having consoled ourselves that we simply made the wrong choices, we move on. But some wounds cut deeper than the rest. Greater the importance we ascribe to a particular person, higher is the sense of desperation. When we are confronted with rejection from the so-called 'chosen one', the self-imposed stigma of failure is that much greater. We are driven to the edge by our own mind which tells us that we could not measure up to what was our own choice. This is what causes all the pain, all the tears and 'broken hearts' around.
I started off saying that I will be writing about why we desire somebody and looking back, I see that I have actually dwelt more on what happens if we are faced with unrequited love. Maybe I will reserve that for another time and call it a day at this point.
Most of what has written above is solely based on personal experience and observation and I will be the first to agree that these are very inadequate tools when dealing with something as complex and perplexing as human emotions. So, if you feel you have something to say, the comments section is always there :)

Very true....

Came across this while surfing today.....

Temperamentally speaking....

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperament Are You?

Tasveerein...

Today, I seem to be in a total blogging mood, so I thought - why not take a break from words & play with visuals? So, coming your way are some of the pics I have taken with my cell-phone camera over the past 2 years. It's a trusty old Nokia 3660 and it has really served me quite well which is the reason I don't feel like replacing it even though shinier, more feature-laden equipment is available nowadays.OK, so here we go...

1) A temple in rural Konkan on the way to my native place.


2) The pet parrot at my mom's native place (Devgad). I went there in Dec '05 after a gap of 11 years and she still recognised me as if I had never been away... :)


3) My dad's school...(Shivaji Memorial High School,Kankavli)


4) My niece Jui, she's such a darling... :)


5) Jui again...


6) Fog kissing the hills at Lonavala (15th August 2004)

7) The hills of Lonavala again. Notice the solitary waterfall that seems to be emerging from the union of the hills and the clouds.Oh, how much I wish I had more professional equipment on hand. This place is a veritable treasure trove...

That should be it for now. Expect much more in the near future. Once I manage to get a digicam for myself, I intend to run amok with it... ;)

50 things about me...

I came across this thingie while randomly blog-surfing and felt it would be an interesting thing to do.I hope you enjoy reading it. I sure enjoyed filling it up...

1. Were you named after anyone?
Nopes, I am an absolute original.

2. Do you wish on stars?
Never had the chance to do so.

3. When did you last cry?
I don't remember when, but I know why.

4. Do you like your handwriting?
Of course, I have worked really hard towards it & it shows.

5. What is your favourite meat?
Anything that can be classified under "Seafood"

6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf?
Would I really mention it here if it was embarrassing?
;)

7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?
Of course, no doubt about that!!!

8. Are you a daredevil?
Does sleeping in the lectures sitting on the first beanch amount to daredevilry?

9. How do you release anger?

I rarely get angry, but when I do, I prefer to cut myself off from the world, go to a garden and walk barefoot on the grass. It calms me instantly.

10. Where is your second home?
NCST. We also have a second flat,but since we don't stay there, it's just a house as yet, not a home.

11. Do you trust others easily?
Previously, I was a very trusting person. But nowadays, I balance my trusting nature with a healthy dose of caution.

12. What was your favourite toy(s) as a child?
A cricket bat and a collection of magnets of all shapes and sizes. I had enough magnets with me to start a scrapyard.

13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless?
All of them ;)
On a more serious note though, I believe that there's a whole lot to be learnt from even the worst lecture (or lecturer, for that matter)

14. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Only when I am sure the audience understands it. Otherwise, I resort to straightspeak.

15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
No.

16. What do you look for in a girl?
Just three things - Honesty, sincerity of purpose and a basic common sense.

17. Would you bungee jump?
Sure.

18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
I think I do.

19. What's your favourite ice cream?
Coffee-Walnut & Chocolate share the #1 spot.

20. What are your favourite colours?
White, Black, & Sky Blue.

21. What are your least favourite things?
Mice (the biological kind), medicines & tele-marketers.

22. How many people do you have a crush on right now?
Now you are putting ideas into my head....

23. Who do you miss most right now?
My friend Sagar, who's in HK working on a project.

24. What are you listening to right now?
"Tu Bin Bataaye" from Rang De Basanti - this song is pure chocolate on silk....

25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Sky Blue or White

26. What is the weather like right now?
Hot & humid.

27. Last person you talked to on the phone?
One of my friends...

28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex?
It would have to be two - Eyes & Smile.

29. Do you like the person who sent you this?
I got it for myself. So, the answer would be a "YES".

30. How are you today?
Slightly exhausted, but nevertheless, in a hapy mood.

31. Favourite non alcoholic drink?
Cold Coffee, Chocolate Milkshake & Plain Milk.

32. Favourite alcoholic drink?
I stay miles away from alcohol.

33. Natural hair colour?
Black.

34. Eye colour?
Brown.

35. Wear contacts?
Sometimes.

36. Siblings?
Unfortunately, none.

37. Favourite month?
April (birthday month after all :) )

38. Favourite food?
Seafood.

39. Favourite day of the year?
19th April (Refer answer to Q:37 above)

40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out?
I have always been a very shy person when it comes to asking somebody out. Lets hope that whenever I feel like asking anybody out the next time round, the cat does not get my tongue.

41. Scary movies or happy endings?
Scary movies with happy endings (everybody gets killed - long live the ghost)

42. Summer or winter?
Winter (nothing beats it)

43. Holi or Diwali?
Diwali, always

44. Do you like your name?
Yes, very much. I like both the sound and the meaning associated with it.And please don't go saying "Hawa ka jhonka" one more time....

45. What book/magazine are you reading?
"Interpreting your dreams"

46. What's on your mouse pad?
A mouse....

47. What did you watch on TV last night?
I watch too little of TV. Mostly, its just the news.

48. Favourite Smell?
It's the fragrance of flowers we call as Parijaatak, I don't know the English/Latin name for it,though.

49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?
I was, am and (unfortunately, looks as if, will be) single.

50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done?
Filling up this questionnaire ;)
Seriously speaking, attending lectures for 7-8 hours a day in engineering college takes the cake.

Whew!! That's it. I won't tag anybody but if you feel like, go ahead and make a half-century of your own.

Happy Budday to me!!!!

Well, this post comes solely on a farmaaish from Aru. When I was chatting with her today morning, she put forth the idea & I instantly agreed to it. Why not? After all, this was the best birthday I have had in YEARS.So, why not preserve the memories for posterity by putting them into words? So here goes....
It all began from the computer lab at NCST.Thanks to Orkut, almost all the 45-50 hostelites (the only species of NCSTians found in the lab or badminton court at 3 in the night, or is it the 3 in the morning?) knew that yours truly was going to start writing the 27th chapter of book of his life. I had started receiving hints from 15th April itself that I was in for a major round of TMPs (Transfer of Momentum to Posterior, also commonly (and less interestingly) known as Birthday Bumps) Around 11 , the lab resembled a deserted cemetery, with only a few souls wandering here and there. I was almost relieved that I would be saved from those deadly TMPs.
But around 11:40, the lab started filling up more rapidly than a 5:44 Borivali fast local at Churchgate. At the stroke of midnight, I was taken outside the lab to the badminton court and what followed thereafter was mayhem. I was tossed up and down, TMPs were delivered, all to the background music of "Happy Budday to You...". After being airborne for 4-5 minutes (it seemed like eternity,though), a round of handshakes,embraces and jokes followed. After that, I returned to my flat where my roomies (Vinod & Nirav) and a hostelite friend (Mithun) had arranged for a nice cake for me. Actually, they had planned it to be a surprise but I knew what they were upto as I had known that Nirav & Mithun had gone to the marketplace and also, when I was entering the building, I noticed the candle-light flickering in my flat.But I really enjoyed it. In the meanwhile, from 12 to 12:45, Aru & I played the "Pehchaan Kaun" game ;)
After polishing off the cake and chatting with them, I caught a flight to dreamland at about 2 AM.
Next day ie: 19th was "Chocolate Distribution Day". I disributed chocolates to my classmates. It reminded me of my school days where I never got to distribute chocolates as my birthday happened during the summer vacations and students used to make me distribute chocolates during the first week of school to compensate. On my way home that day, I dropped in to the new office of the company I used to work for previously to meet some ex-colleagues. Then I came home, where my mom did aukshan (she does not believe in cake-cutting), followed by lip-smackingly good food. To finish off a good day, did some project-related work and went off to sleep.
This, in a nutshell, was what transpired in those 24 hours. In fact, a lot more happened, but thats not for public consumption.So, this should be it...

The year gone by...

Actually, this was supposed to be about a short review of "Rang De Basanti" and a look at the need/justification/possibilty for another revolution in today's social context.But even after keeping the same on the backburner for quite some time, I don't feel I have come up with something that does justice to the gravity and complexity of the issue.So, I have decided to let it simmer for some more time and for now, concentrate on something that I find more immediate & personal.
As my birthday is approaching, I find myself getting into an introspective and reflective kind of a mind-state, wherein I tend to analyse more than observe, to infer more than record.As is usual practice, every year around my birthday, I look back at the year gone by, take stock of how my lifescape changed over the past 365 days, what went right, what didn't and so on. Though every time this is strictly for my own consumption, this time, I feel compelled to do it in full public view. What prompts me to do so, I don't know. Maybe it has got something to do with my newfound spring of extroversion. Well, so here it goes...
For sake of clarity of thought and to avoid overlapping, I will be following the pattern they follow in those "Yearly Future Forecasts" in the newspapers and will be dividing it into a few broad catogories. Though I find that style of division a bit corny, I will stick to the same as it is most appropriate over here...

1) Career :
This was an area where the most radical of changes took place, or rather were effected by me. I switched tribes from those who build the real world to those who build the virtual one. It was perhaps the most difficult and in hindsight, the best decision I ever made. It was not at all an easy one to make though. After all, it can never be easy to have an established career with potential for growth and then chuck it away because that's not what you want to be doing for the rest of your life; and that too, at a stage in your life, when you are expected to be settling down into a smooth rhythm. Charting a new course at this point takes a whole lot of self-belief,courage and last but certainly not the least, excellent negotiation skills. At least I needed a bunch of them in order to convince my parents that whatever I had decided for myself, was in everybody's best interests. That if I was unhappy in my current career, now was the time to make a positive change rather than simply repenting 5-10 years down the line, when any change would be well nigh impossible. Also, at this jucture, it was not just about me, it was about them,too. With my father's retirement about a year away (this was 10 months back), financial aspects had to be kept in mind,too. Fortunately, after initial hesitation, they whole-heartedly supported me and continue to do so. Also, the fact that after 2 years of working, I had enough moolah on me to pay my course fees without burdening them too much also helped. At this stage, I am really happy with the decision I took and regardless of how things turn out in the future I will always feel proud of myself for having the courage to take life in my own hands rather than simply going along with the flow.

2) Human Connections :
I prefer the above terminology as opposed to done-to-death words like "Relationships", "Friendships","Love", "Romance" and so on. This was another area where the lifescape underwent sweeping changes. And I must say that whatever happened in this area surprised (and sometimes even shocked) me no end when it actually occured, but looking back now, I don't feel the slightest hint of surprise. In the year gone by, thanks to a career switch and also due to going back to college once again, I made a whole new set of friends. This was also the year when I had to lay the tombstone on what I had thought of as a beautiful friendship. I only hope that it proves to be that seed which dies itself, only to give rise to a thousand blossoms.Also, I managed to connect to a wide variety of individuals, people whom I have never met before, whose only connection to me is perhaps just a stream of electrons flowing back and forth; but with whom I connected in a manner I never thought was possible before. "Strangers are merely friends waiting to happen" was just a sentimental cliche according to me before, now I have sort of come to believe in it.

3) Inner Self :

The year gone by was a watershed one in terms of personal transformation. Thanks to all that I underwent and endured, I really feel that I have emerged as a much stronger individual than before, someone more in control of his own destiny (if such a thing exists). In fact, I have been observing myself change over the years and with every passing year, I seem to be getting more and more focussed, though I will be the first one to agree that I have a long way to go,still. I will not blow my own trumpet over here but just to sum it up, Sameer as on 19/04/2006 is definitely a much more grown-up individual than Sameer on 19/04/2005, though essentially he still continues to be a sentimental fool, deep down.

This is about all I have for now. I will add to this if I feel like, otherwise this should be it...

Intimate strangers...

This particular piece is based on one of my dreams which happened some time back. Though I had decided to make into a story, I felt it was best written as it had occured to me.So, here it is - absolutely unedited and like most of my dreams, very difficult to make sense of. Please forgive me if you don't see any sense in this - all I have done is to reproduce consciously what was shown by my subconscious.

The pitter-patter of the raindrops on the coffeeshop window provided an engaging companionship to the random visuals that floated through her consciousness as she sat there, looking at her soon-to-be-ex husband, sitting at a hand's distance from her.As time passed, she grew increasingly conscious of his gaze, exploring her body and going on to reach the depths of her wary soul. Though she tried not to make too much out of it, she was increasingly getting frustrated that somebody whom she was about to clinically detach from her life, her being in a matter of few hours, could exercise so much raw power over her.The very thought of feeling exposed like a naked animal out in the chilly rain made her uncomfortable. Though she tried her best to deny it, the fact remained that irrespective of the actual reasons for their imminent divorce, she still unwittingly laid much of the blame on her own doorstep.

Trying hard (and failing) to defend herself against the negative thought patterns that seemed deeply lodged in her mind like a bullet in a soldier's thigh, she let her mind fly back to the supposedly happy days when out of his magnetic attraction and womanising ways, she knew only about the former. Those were the days when they made love like cellists in an orchestra - in sync, lilting and almost always ending in a grand crescendo. But then the symphony went awry when she discovered that she was just one of his many 'voyages' - as he liked to call them, journeys of discovery to a new land every time. What especially seared her soul was that he did not seem to have the slightest regret and claimed that each of his 'voyages' was equally dear to him, though she always held a special place and need not worry herself. This seemingly unashamed justification of his was what prompted her to file for seperation. Despite his claims of her having a special place in his life, he seemed to be least bothered when presented with the divorce papers. That's when she was convinced that she had made the right decision. But deep down, in a queer way, she held herself largely responsible for not being able to prevent him from doing what he eventually did.

Putting down the by now cold coffee, she looked at him with a quizzing expression. "Lets go home...our home", he said. Though unwilling to enter those unfortunate premises once again, she found herself getting up and moving out, towards the car. Though her mind cried out loud, her body refused to listen, still under his magnetic spell, after all that had happened.As she stepped inside the house and heard him close the door behind him, she had a foreboding of what was going to happen. But even then, she was caught unawares when he laid his hands around her and pulled her to him, planting his lips on the nape of her neck, as he always liked to start off with. In one graceful motion, his hands were now navigating her body with the smoothness of a confident sailor, though at times, she could still feel the tremors of guilt running through his body. His movements were akin to a cellist who had just broke an instrument and was extra-cautious while playing a new one, the caution fuelled on further by the guilt.

As the moments passed, though, the tremors abated and he was back to his old self - the man that she loved and hated the most at the same time, who played with her body and soul with the smug expertise of someone who knew, and was obviously proud of what he was doing. Deep within, she knew that she had to resist him or else she would be his slave for life. She tried to retrieve herself from his embrace but her body seemed to have turned deader than a mannequin, refusing to entertain any instructions from her mind.

" Love you, dear...", he said in that same deep, abrupt voice of his and that seemed to break something inside her in a manner she had never known before. Images of him on his 'voyages', of naked bodies with molten faces mocking her, him on a bed, slowly morphing from a human form into a ghost crowded her inner vision. Thrusting herself away from him with a strength she never knew she had, she walked away, shaking with rage, leaving her impotent, submissive past in her wake.

State of my mind...

Happened to come across this pic today, which somehow uncannily reflects the current state of my mind....Will elaborate in a forthcoming post!!!

Owl hoon main...

You always know what to do in a tricky situation
and by helping others you have a firm handle
on your own life.You enjoy the finer things and are perfectly
content in quietly relaxing in your thoughts.

Which Pooh character are you?

Diving into the blues yet again...

Nearly a month back, I had talked about the black template getting a bit monotonous and letting the sun shine on my blog.But it seems that fate had something else in store.So, in keeping with my mood nowadays (and perhaps, for many more days to come), the bloggie will sport a moody,contemplative and introspective blue look instead.Secondly, I have done away with the idea of a centralised comment repository like fizbox so that I can know which comments correspond to which post.Lastly, and most important, I have also removed the visitor's counter from the blog as I felt that I was better off concentrating on the quality of feedback that I was getting rather than being obsessed with how many people visited my home in blogosphere.

Also, I have decided that from now on, I will be more regularly posting over here and will spend some more time blogging instead of cribbing about how I don't find any time to do so.

On that note, I will call it a day for now.Keep dropping in....

I've been tagged!!!

So, what explains my return to active blogging after more than a month's interval?
All credit goes to Zarine who has tagged me with the "Pet Peeves" tag. Thanks to all the wonderful specimens of humanity floating around us, I feel confident of doing justice to the tag.Though I can't say I will reach the magic figure of 20 as I find it a bit difficult to get peeved(thanks to patience bordering on the infinite), I will try my best. So, here goes...

As with Zarine's post, X = people/persons/individuals

1) When my dad insists on switching off the fan, shutting the window (we have a common bedroom at my place) ,wrapping himself in a bedsheet and start snoring within minutes of hitting the bed, and all this on an April night, leaving me to brave the elements.
2) X who gleefully crack nasty jokes on somebody else but can't tolerate even relatively plain ones when they are at the receiving end.Sense of humour, anybody?
3) X who feel that they are God's gift to hapless humanity when in reality they are just a massive waste of genetic protoplasm.
4) X who, on an average, occupy 2.5 times the volume of an average homo sapiens & proceed to park their posteriors on the 4th seat, in a 6:45 Borivali fast, effectively putting paid to all your hopes of emerging from the train without any of your muscles being subjected to a free stretch-pull-press session.
5) X who pigheadedly advertise their own view of any subject as being the last word on the same without knowing even as much about the subject as Mallika Sherawat knows about method acting.
6) When I go to a restaurant/coffee shop and the attendant decides to focus his energies (among other things) on the PYT at the table next to me; ignoring me in the bargain. And no, the presence of the PYT is NOT a compensation.
7) X who feel that chattering away on their cells at top decibel is their birthright, especially during the rare poignant moments in a movie/play.
8) X who have willingly accepted themselves as Cupid's incarnation on Planet Earth and are forever trying to either hook you up with somebody or pressurising you into tying the matrimonial knot. 27 and not married as yet?I have just the right kind of girl in sight for you.Trust me, you two are made for each other!!!
9) X who keep their rooms untidy, don't turn up on time for a meeting or are, in general, unsystematic in their approach towards life.

10) X who, when you call then up, chat for long hours, promise to call you back sometime soon, and then never seem to find time to do so.

I am sure there are many more candidates for inclusion in this list, but at the moment these are all I can think of.I might come back with an appendix to the list soon, but for now, an urgent assignment needs more of my attention.Sorry Z, I had to keep it short!!!Bye for now & catch ya all later...

Time for some change...

Well, nothing's permanent except change, they say and the latest to fall prey to (or prove the glorious certainty of, depending on your viewpoint) is the template for this blog. Black, while being very soothing and aptly moody, was getting a bit monotonous. So, yours truly decided to let the sun shine and opted for a bright, cheery look. The only bits to be added are the Fizbox comment link and favourites in the right-hand-side bar, which will be done pretty soon.

Lets hope a change of template will mean more frequent and better quality posts ;)

How do I tick???

Your Brain's Pattern

You're a simple thinker, and this is actually a very good thing. You don't complicate matters when you don't have to. You look for the simplest explanation or solution, and you go with that. As a result, your mind is uncluttered and free of stress.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Enjoying the last few days of doing nothing...

As the title should make apparent, I am making the most of the last snatches of free time I have got with me. This is so because, starting August 8th, I will be a student once again (yipee...) for at least a year. I will be studying for the FPGDST (Full Time Post Graduate Diploma in Software Technology for those who have an acronym phobia) conducted by NCST at Kharghar.Yes, it does seem to be located at the other end of Planet Earth, but I know it will be worth it. Actually, changing fields from Civil Engineering to Software was never an easy decision but more about that in an upcoming post.For now, you can have a look at the portals that will be graced by the divine presence of yours truly.

I knew, I just knew...

You Are Strawberry Ice Cream

A bit shy and sensitive, you are sweet to the core. You often find yourself on the outside looking in. Insightful and pensive, you really understand how the world works. You are most compatible with chocolate chip ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

Any Chocolate Chip Icecream reading this, please get in touch ;)

Sapney...

Actually I had planned to do the next round of character sketches as promised to someone who was really desperate to see his mug over here. But in keeping with my current mood of flying off on a tangent every now and then, I will proceed to give you all a glimpse into the dark recesses of my mind – my dreams.
I have read somewhere that your dreams are that part of you which are truly you – unmodified by your surroundings, upbringing, values etc. If that holds true, I must be Darkness personified, judging by what goes on in my mind while the body seeks its daily quota of regeneration.
While there are countless dreams of mine, which if visualised on film, would not pass the scissors of even the most lenient censor board, over here I will stick to something which is not so gruesome, but nevertheless mysterious/interesting, depending on the way you look at it. Depending on feedback, more will follow. So, here we enter the dark side:
The scenario seen in the dream is somewhere about 4-5 years in the future; wherein I am living on the top floor of a multi-storey building with huge glass walls through which I can catch the sights and sounds of the city flowing below. (Something like Aamir Khan’s Sydney residence in Dil Chahta Hai; only with all walls of glass). One night, past midnight, I am watching the city skyline, trying to gather some sleep, albeit unsuccessfully, when suddenly there is a knock on the door. I am under the influence of incomplete sleep and ignore the sound. After what seems like ages, the knocking starts again. This time, it has an almost hypnotic rhythm to it. I am terrified but something pulls me towards the door. On opening the door, I find nobody outside. This scares me even more. I close the door, come inside and am about to settle my chair when the rhythm starts again. This time, I am terrified beyond reason and almost run towards the door in a fit of blind fury. Again, there’s no one outside but this time I find a straw basket lying outside my door, covered with a dirty little piece of rag. On removing the rag, I find a newborn baby inside the basket – blood on its body and the umbilical cord ominously dangling. Its face is contorted as if it were crying but no sound can be heard. Beside the baby is placed a piece of paper and a cell-phone. I pick up the phone and dial the number written on the paper. At first, nobody responds. I try again, when a deep baritone echoes at the other end. I explain the situation to him and ask what the hell is going on. All he says is “You don’t always get what you want; sometimes you have to be happy with what you get”. Saying so, he disconnects the line. Further attempts from my side to get in touch with him prove futile. I am left with the baby, whom I then pick up in my arms. As soon as I pick it up, it touches my face and lets out the most blood-curdling scream I ever heard (in a dream or otherwise). Surprisingly, instead of being terrified by the turn of events, tears start flowing from eyes and I start sobbing. This is where the dream ends, leaving me wide awake and drenched with sweat, no matter in what season this occurs and even if I am sleeping right under the fan.
Also what I have observed is that whenever this dream occurs, my life takes a significant turn in some manner or the other. It was there when I fell in love, when I decided to give up on it and also when I experienced my first academic failure. So, in a way it’s a harbinger of change for me.
It’s been a really long post till now. I just hope that you have not fallen asleep and are not watching dreams of your own ;)