Soul Country has moved to a new geography...
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Well...what do I say, except that "I am back". So what if it's after a long time (correction: a real long time). The last time I wandered into Soul Country was more than a year back. Not that everything was dead and dull in Soul Country, it just turned out to be a planned hiatus which got a tad too long. But now, the walker is back and hopefully, he will keep coming back more frequently. Of course, this time round, there is a slight change in the scheme of things.
Previously, Soul Country was, to put it plainly a mish-mash of expression. Views, opinions, mixed with my attempts at playing wordsmith were the order of the day. As a result, it was more of a catch-all basket than an attempt at expression. From now on, it will serve more as a life journal. Of course, I will continue to tell stories , but I will be doing so in The Unlit Corner - a blog meant for those times when I find myself in the mood to spin a yarn.
So, here's to further visits to Soul Country...
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Lying on the bed near the window, she looked positively angelic, her half-smile belying the superhuman effort needed to overcome the pain that took her closer to the edge every passing moment.As he reached her side, taking care not to disturb her stupor, he had half a mind to reach out to her and kiss her lightly.It was with some effort that he managed to restrain himself.He had given her the pill about 4 hours back, so he expected her to stir to wakefulness anytime, which was why he had got her favourite chocolate cookies for her.Today, he was not going to deny her anything regardless of what the doctors had advised him.He put the bag near the bed and decided to wait for her to wake up.
As the clock ticked away, his mind started to walk down memory lane. It was nearly a decade now that they had been together, though to him, it always felt like yesterday when he had happened to first see a petite, beauteous girl walking her dog in the park. Though he prided himself on his cold rationality, this was one moment which simply had him overwhelmed. He was totally smitten, and once he was sure of that,he wasted little time in taking things where he wanted them to go. Meticulous planning was another thing he prided himself on.
Life, though, had its own plans laid out for him. It all started about 6 years back when she had to be taken to the doctor following a seemingly unexplained bleeding while brushing her teeth. One thing lead to another and before they could comprehend what was happening, she was diagnosed with leukemia. Since this was discovered too late, all they had in hand now was to watch her wither away silently as the disease slowly and surely took her away onto the final destination. What made matters worse was the fact that no one could tell how long she would have to undergo the ordeal - it broke his heart into a million pieces as she made every possible effort to keep the smile on her face going, just so that she could see one on his.
His chain of thoughts was broken by the slight sound she made as she shuffled to wakefulness. As he reached out to her and placed his lips on hers, she tried to put her arms around him but was restricted by the IV needles on her wrist. She was visibly irritated, but managed to conceal her frustration. As he took out the cookies from the bag, her eyes displayed a curious mixture of simultaneous joy and surprise. "Don't worry - let the docs go to hell for this one day...", he said, with a slight tremor in his voice. It was hardly a matter of minutes before the cookies were exhausted - she ate them as if her life depended on it. Satiated, she gave him a look which could only have meant gratitude.
"Time to go to sleep, sweetheart!!!" - he said, as he rose to adjust the IV injection flow. She seemed reluctant to have the sedative enter her system but he managed to convince her. He put the pouch on the stand, adjusted the IV and sat there, holding her hands in his. In a short while, as her hands grew colder and her breathing slower and slower, he got up, kissed her, and walked out of the room, not wanting to look back. In the column of light flowing in from the window, the ampoule of Veronal in the dust-bin reflected a sinister glint.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Years back, I had read this quote somewhere:
I believe in Angels, but I call them my best friends"
It's very rightly observed that we can't choose our relatives, but we can definitely choose our friends. I believe this is so for a reason - unlike in relations, where you are "supposed" to fulfill certain social obligations and conditions, in friendship, the connect is entirely mutual and voluntary. And because forging a friendship with someone is a conscious decision, we tend to invest more of ourselves into it, making it a much more fulfilling and enriching experience. This might not be necessarily so with our relatives, where it's more about blood than soul.
In my opinion, what makes a true friend (I am NOT considering acquaintances or here) such a wonderful thing to have by your side is how they always seem to be right around the corner when you truly need them, regardless of the physical distances separating you. It's all about how their arms always manage to wrap around your drooping shoulders when the burdens of a complicated life threaten to bog you down. It might not be often that you need that kind of support, but it's in times like these that you truly appreciate their importance.
I started off this post saying that it was a tribute to my friends but so far there are so names mentioned. This is so because there is simply no need for that. Those who belong to that select bunch, know, and those who don't, need not know - as simple as that. This is not all that I had intended to put forth and I will definitely return to complete this. For now, it has to be Sayonara...
Who said angels have wings? No, they don't... :)
Sunday, December 17, 2006
As I said earlier, I will be dwelling on the theme of "Breaking Free..." from the previous post. Of course, most of what you see here esentially springs from personal experience, so you might not identify or agree with it to the fullest extent, and that's perfectly fine with me. :)
In the last post, I mentioned about the mental flab that prevents us from taking on the challenges of life head-on. In addition to that, I feel there's one more factor that comes into play - self-doubt. This again is a very tricky thing to handle, just because many a times, it does not manifest itself as what it really is. Let me explain - more often than not, when we think ourselves incapable of doing something, we don't really stop at that. What we actually end up doing is that we find a rationale, suitably interpreting the situation to fit into our "understanding" about why we are better off not taking a particular risk because it's too dangerous/unjustified to do so and not because it's our own reluctance or insecurity that's the culprit. Trust me, it takes a herculean effort to just accept this fact, leave alone actually doing something about it. That's because we don't like to have a mirror held up to us - it can be a very painful experience to come face to face with one's deepest fears. It's almost like being made to stand trial by your own self. So, we tend to take the easy way out. The best way to solve a problem is to deny it's existence. So, why bother ourselves with all the effort? Why not just let things be as they are, afterall who's gonna question us? No one, except our own conscience, which we have anyways given a royal cold shoulder.
In this way, we end up taking the easier way out, not realising that by doing so, all we have managed to do is to weaken our willpower. When faced with the long & hard route to success, we have chopped off our feet in order to convince ourselves that the journey is not worth it and beyond us. Fortunately, the will is an animal with tremendous powers of regeneration. All it needs to get back in action is what I call as the "moment of truth" - that one moment when reality hits you so hard in the face that you can no longer run and hide behind the facile excuses that you have been putting forth till now. I faced my moment of truth a long time back and it has changed me so much - it was almost like being born again - and equally traumatic, complete with the tears and suffering. But in the end, it was worth it, and considering how well it has paid off, it's something which I would want everybody to go through atleast once in their lives.
I know I have gone on a tangent here. I started off talking about breaking free and wandered into the kingdom of the mind...By the way, that gives me a pointer as to what I am going to write about next. This theme of "Breaking Free..." takes a breather here, unless I come up with something really noteworthy.
Hopefully, Soul Country should see me back in action very soon... :)
Thursday, December 07, 2006
So, what brings me back to the keyboard for purposes other than typing out lines and lines of code? Honestly speaking, I don't know. It just seems that I have sort of rediscovered the joy of writing, the bliss of creation, the satisfaction of an urge well-fulfilled. The uneasiness of germinating ideas bristling in the mindspace was always there to savour, but nowadays I am enjoying the process even more than before. Hope it continues to be like that always...
Having said that, let me come to what I had intended to put forth. Today's post takes off from the conversation I had with Mizfit yesterday wherein we talked about breaking free from our self-imposed barriers and purposefully striving to bring about a change for the better in our lives. She was telling me about her plans for the future where she wanted to bring out some major changes in her life. To be honest, hearing this gladdened me no end. Having gone through the process of making potentially life-altering (and hence, "risky") decisions and putting them into action, I can say I have a fair idea of how one's mind works and what one goes through in such circumstances - which is why I am happy that she's finally decided to take the plunge (No, she is not getting married ;))
Typically, when one thinks about making major changes to one's life, either personal or professional, the biggest hurdle we face is our own reluctance to change of any sort. I feel that when we start our lives as kids, we are almost untouched by fear and are willing to try out anything and everything. Over the years, we tend to put on mental flab in the form of fears, complexes and opinions (either experienced by self or perceived). Just like physical flab makes us lethargic and unfit, this mental flab slowly but surely kills the "can-do-will-do" verve that we possess in so much abundance as kids. In such a situation, when we get the opportunity to shape our life the way we want it to be we tend to look at this opportunity as a moment of crisis and make all possible efforts to avoid it. We can (and do) find 1001 reasons not to take that one step which will make the entire difference between a winner and an also-ran. What's needed in times like this is asking just one simple question - What's the worst that can happen? - and honestly answering it. Then suddenly, more often than not, we will find that things are not as bad as we are making them out to be. After this, all that's needed is that little extra to make the ordinary life into an extraordinary one. And then, we can finally break free from our own shackles and truly walk free.
P.S: This subject is really close to my heart and I will surely return soon to dwell on it in further detail.
@ Mizfit~ Thanks for igniting the spark :)
Sunday, December 03, 2006
So, what's this all about? It's about how I do something for the people I consider as my "friends" in their hour of need and when they are suitably high and dry, end up getting a royal cold shoulder. Now I don't claim to be a messiah or a godsend who dramatically alters or improves the lives of people around me but the fact remains that when somebody whom I know needs help, my first instinct is to try and see if I can help in any way. I don't really expect them to reciprocate in kind (that's the situation nowadays, previously I did use to harbour such expectations, to be honest). But an absolute disregard for what they have got is certainly not what I would expect to happen. Put plainly, it's simply not done. Inspite of many such incidences, my faith in the correctness of what I am doing remains unshaken. But one recent incident, in particular, has forced me to take a fresh look at this policy of mine. I won't mention it over here, because mud-slinging, either direct or indirect, is not something I would indulge in, but it did set the wheels of thought in motion.
When faced with the question as to why somebody would be so "ungrateful" (It's a harsh word - I know, but I mean it), my first instinct was to think that perhaps I made mistakes in choosing the right set of people. But then, some introspection told me that if I would not have done something for them, someone else would have helped them out anyway. Hence, I definitely did not do the wrong thing. Now the question was - if I am doing the right thing, why I am getting this in return? I concluded that since I have done what I could have done, and since I anyways did it with little expectations of getting anything back, I had the satisfaction of having done something positive with me. This satisfaction, I felt was its own reward, and that I need not feel so gloomy about why the other person responded in the manner they did. If they fail to recognise or acknowledge the good that was done to them, they are the losers, not me. Then I was talking to my friend Reuben who put it in as many words. "I would say you did the right thing. Don't worry dude. LIFE will pay the debt. It will come back in some other way, when you least expect it." was what he said, I totally agree.
This sentence of his set me thinking further. On deeper thought, I realised that what he had said was indeed true. If life has handed me such idiots, it has also blessed me with a precious set of friends who have enriched my life in such a way that it can't be really put in words. As he said, it's about fulfilling your part of the bargain and moving on. So, that's just what I have decided to do - do your part and move on. Life will give you what you deserve, and in many ways, too.
So, here's looking forward to a new life, with a new vision.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Before going ahead, let me make a few things clear. Firstly, this is going to be a mushy sort of post. Secondly, for those who are not used to me dealing in superlatives, be prepared to be shocked.... ;)
So, who is the one that has made the normally conservative (read: boring) me go ga ga? I won't reveal her true identity over here.Instead, I will be referring to her by her blogger avataar - Lil Mizfit. The next question naturally follows - Sameer devoting a post to a single person is something that's happening for the first time. What has this girl (I will refer to her as a girl only... :) ) done to deserve this? Simple answer - she has been a great friend and a pillar of support to me.
Having said that, let me get down to business. As I said before, this post is intended solely as an ode to the beautiful bond of friendship that exists between us. But how did this bond form in the first place? The credit for this solely goes to Orkut and my gut instinct. One fine day, I was profile hopping through Orkut when I came across this profile, the owner of which claimed to be a dark angel. Instinctively I scrapped her and after that, destiny took over. In only a matter of weeks, we went from being mere acquaintances to being chat buddies to being really good friends (and I use that word very sparingly, let me tell you). It's just about 8 months since we first met, but it seems we have known each other for an eternity now.So, now the question arises as to what exactly made us "click" (pun intended....)
To be honest, I am stumped for an answer, but I guess it's because we "know" each other so well. In fact, if I were to get paid a rupee for every time we said the same thing at the same time, I would be a millionaire by now. There are only a handful of persons with whom I can let my guard down and be myself and she belongs to that rare category. This girl has an amazingly cooky (and spooky) sense of humour, which so delighthfully finds resonance with my inner abandon which I very sparingly explore. The credit for helping me discover (and be proud of) my less strait-laced and darker side should go solely to her.
All this is very fine, but true friendships are more about soul and substance rather than fun and frolic - you might say. Again in this respect, she scores high. She is one of the 2-3 people with whom I can speak not more than a few sentences and yet convey volumes. Typically, when two individuals move from merely knowing each other to being "friends", they start off with sharing trivia and move on to sharing souls. We have gone the other way round and nowadays we zigzag between the two.So, Mizfit, I guess that answers your doubt about me calling you up and listening to your "nonsense" :) Also, she has been there, lending a patient ear and offering some very valuable advice when I recently made some tough decisions and also when, sometime back in the past, I went through hell. Most importantly, this bond has been forged despite of the thousands of miles seperating us, what with I living in the financial capital of India and she in the political one, which again goes to prove that true friendship is not a function of distance. She is more than a friend to me, she's the twin I always wanted but never had. There is an unspoken promise of friendship between us and I hope we keep this promise forever. Looks like I will have to stop here... I am getting choked by emotion :)
Mizfit, you rock!!!
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Here is the latest angel in the family....my 4 month old nephew whom I saw for the first time yesterday...and I must say that this kid literally stole my heart... :)
Though the official naming ceremony has not been conducted as yet, I have already chosen a nickname for him... gotu (Marathi slang for a smooth pebble/chubby baby/bald person).Now, regardless of what my cousin sister names him, he will always be gotu for me.
He wasn't ready to look at the camera...so I had to so all sorts of acrobatics!!! :P
Ain't he an angel????
The prince rests....lol
Sunday, October 01, 2006
So, here it goes...
1.Are you happy/satisfied with your blog with it's content and look? Does your family know about your blog?
I am happy with my blog, but I would certainly not call myself satisified. As far as satisfaction goes, I feel I should be more consistent when it comes to posting.
No, my family does not know about my blog. They won't as long as they don't need to.
2.Do you feel embarrassed to let your friends know about your blog or you just consider it as a private thing?
Only a select few of my friends know about my blog. I make sure only people who would appreciate it would know about it. However once I have put something on my blog, I don't mind anybody and his dog reading & commenting.
3.Did blogs cause positive changes in your thoughts?
Basically my blogs are my mind's windows to the world. So, it's a case of thoughts getting poured from the mind onto the blog rather than the other way round.
But whenever I get appreciation for my posts, it does tend to make me feel glad. :)
4.Do you only open the blogs of those who comment on your blog or you love to go and discover more by yourself?
It depends on the amount of time I have at my disposal. I first visit a set of blogs that I regularly read and then if I am free, I link-hop from one blog to another.
5.What does visitors counter mean to you? Do you care about putting it in your blog?
Absolutely nothing. I dont believe in finding solace in the number of visitors visiting my blog. Hence, my blog does not carry a visitor counter, though I had one for a few days long time back.
6.Did you try to imagine your fellow bloggers and give them real pictures?
No. This is so because whatever blogs I read, I either know them personally or have seen their pics.So, no imagination business over here.
7.Admit. Do you think there is a real benefit for blogging?
I blog because I feel the urge to express myself. If you go for money-making exercises like AdSense, you might make a few bucks, but I prefer not to. Have said that, I do believe that blogging is a very useful tool of expression and I have found myself getting more expressive and outgoing after I have started blogging.
8.Do you think that bloggers society is isolated from real world or interacts with events?
It basically varies from individual to individual, depending on the reason you blog and what you blog about. There are a few guys I read who write some excellent stuff about current issues and there are people who dwell totally in the realm of fiction. So, a blanket statement cannot be made.
9.Does criticism annoy you or do you feel it's a normal thing?
Criticism, either constructive or destructive, is always welcome. It is a sign that you are making a difference. Criticism is what keeps you on your toes and often reveals new perspectives you might have otherwise missed.
10.Do you fear some political blogs and avoid them?
I am not too much into reading political blogs, though I occasionally visit a few of them.
11.Did you get shocked by the arrest of some bloggers?
Not exactly. I understand that things don't always work they should in this country, but I was really irritated by the blog ban, which, in my opinion, was absolutely nonsensical.
12.Did you think about what will happen to your blog after you die?
Well, I would want to have it compiled into a collection and put into a time capsule, so that the world knows what a visionary walked Planet Earth once.. ;) Just kidding. I would rather that it was to be put together and passed to the next generation, so that the death of my body does not mean the death of my mind.
13.What do you like to hear? What's the song you might like to put a link to in your blog?
My musical tastes range from Hindi classics to Western Classical to instrumentals like piano/saxophone - almost anything except remixes, rap & Himesh Reshamiya.
If I had to put a link to songs (it cannot be just one song...) on my blog, they would be - Everything I Do (Bryan Adams), Words (Boyzone), The Moment (Kenny G) and Ha Khel Saawlyaancha (It's a Marathi song - amazing lyrics...)
Friday, September 29, 2006
I happened to read this headline somewhere some days back. It instantly reminded me of the time when I had first watched the film. While I was really impressed by the film's intentions and for the major part, the execution of those intentions, I really did not seem to agree with it's basic premise. What the film suggested was,as most Hindi films tend to, a glorious quickfix to the problems faced by us - a revolution, in blood if needed. I had put down my thoughts about the issue in a mail to a friend and I feel that now is an apt time to re-open the debate.So, here goes....
I believe more in evolution rather than revolution - because I believe that evolution is the most feasible,if time-consuming, way of achieving lasting change.No doubt, revolution has its rightful place in the scheme of things but then the necessity for a revolution has to be seen in the existing context rather than simply proposing a drastic upheaval as the sole means to the end.As has been depicted rightly in RDB, there are a lot of things that have gone wrong and are going wrong with this country that is no doubt so dear to us; but a revolution seems to be a very simplistic solution to the problem,which I feel, demands much more pragmatism and a deliberate approach than a revolt of sorts.The entire idea of a revolution sounds very attractive and inspiring to an idealilst mind, but I am sure that the problems that we are facing are much more deep-rooted.
The earlier revolution for fredom succeeded because it was an entirely different era back then.The people had a very strong motivation and desire to revolt in the manner they did.After all, the desire to be free can be a very powerful force.Once you pine for freedom , it's really difficult for anybody to put you down.You will try all means possible to achieve what you feel is justified and rightfully yours.To add to it, the British government we were ruled by really added fuel to fire by committing all sorts of atrocities which I feel, need no repitition.
But today, the entire context has undergone a sea-change.While the earlier generation had tasted the bitterness of slavery,the hopeful uncertainty of the freedom struggle and endured the subsequent horrors of the partition, the youth today have not experienced any of these.Consequently, that fire in the belly to hit out at injustice has mellowed a bit.I have used the words "a bit" because I still believe that today's youth has that ability to change the world around them rather than just sit on their bottom and crib about how the world has failed them.But what has happened is that the motivation to fight for a cause has taken the backseat in comparision to the aspirations of a successful career, material comforts and of course, the all-pervading factor - money.
Another important factor, which I feel matters, is the changed social and political scenario today.While our grandfather's generation was ruled by a foreign power and our father's generation was an integral part of a newborn nation and thus inhabited a very different mileu , we are part of a nation that has attained a degree of maturity and hence, has a different set of problems to tackle.The problems that we face today ie: corrupt system,unemployment,falling moral standards etc. are ones for which there is no quick-fix.These are systemic problems, which by definition, are deep-rooted enough not to be solved by a revolution or two.What is needed instead is a more planned approach.I feel that to solve the problems with the system, you have to be a part of the system and not try to overthrow it and replace it with an entirely new one.I have enough faith in the existing system to say that it can definitely serve us well, provided the right people are in charge of it.While a revolution might serve to kickstart the entire process like a sparkplug in a car,it's not the means that will take us to the desired end.Our problems,I repeat, are not at all solvable by resorting to violence in the manner suggested in RDB.
As with any issue, there can be many opinions about this one,too. I look forward to having a constructive discussion with anyone who cares enough to contribute. You might want to take this up on your blog or at the very least, leave a comment. Please feel free to do so.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
I know I have been VERY lazy when it comes to updating my blog in the recent past. It had a lot to do with too many things happening in too short a time.But now I am back and will be posting more frequently.For starters, I have started a new blod where I will explore unknown territory - my mind, or more specifically, my dreams.If you always suspected that there was something crooked about me beneath my "good boy" avataar, this will confirm and exceed your worst suspicions, and if you took me at face value, well, you are in for a major shock. Walk into the shadows at http://darkvistas.blogspot.com
See you there...
Saturday, June 24, 2006
|You Are a Dreaming Soul|
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult
You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.
Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul
Friday, June 23, 2006
Even today, the same pattern of events was unfolding - much to his chagrin. Frustrated to no end, he decided that today was the last time he was going to be subjected to this dishonourable routine. He promised himself that he was going to settle this once and for all today itself, no matter how long a wait it took him. With this resolve having been made, he cooled down a bit and proceeded with the waiting game, to no avail. She did not turn up as always and he had to come back home when it got too dark to stand and wait on the beach.
As he climbed up the stairs to his apartment, he was feeling angry and idiotic at the same time - angry with her for not turning up and idiotic for believing her promises like a fool every single day.Walking in, he chucked away the roses he had bought for her into the wastebin - they were useless now. He was in an agitated state of mind and thought a drink would do him good.Picking up the drink from the counter, he found that he was out of ice. "That calls for a trip to the fridge" - he said aloud to himself. He loved doing that - talking aloud to himself, irrespective of what people used to say about that habit of his.Holding his drink in one hand, he opened the giant freezer.
"Aha...there you are!!!" - he exclaimed, "And to think that I have been waiting for you all day long at the beach". She was lying there - fresh as dew. The days spent in the freezer had failed to dull her pristine beauty a single bit, except for a deep gash running across her neck. "If only she had not protested so much...", he said aloud to himself, as he shut the freezer door.
Tommorow was going to be another long day at the beach....
Monday, June 19, 2006
The sights and sounds of that fog-beaten winter evening in Delhi still echoed true and clear.He was sitting in his favourite coffee-shop near the large glass window, watching the pre-occupied metropolis go by in its own trance.Apni hi dhun mein chalta jaata hai ye shahar....he said to himself, deliberately delaying the last sip, as had always been his wont.He was about to leave when he saw her walk in.Clad in a simple salwar kameez, she seemed to be a total misfit in the plastic sophistication of cofee commerce. Yet, there was something disarmingly appealing about her that made him do something he would have never allowed himself to do - fall for her.He had always prided himself on his ability to connect to people and he made good use of this as he walked over to her and introduced himself. That small introduction had then gone on to reach bigger proportions, so much so that today, she was the only thing that could have stood between him and his ultimate goal.
"I am leaving, to never return. I won't tell you where and I am not taking you along.This is where we meet for the last time" - to utter those few words had taken an Herculean effort on his part. Even more difficult was looking her into the eyes as she gazed at him blankly, not wanting to believe what she had just heard.After what seemed to be an eternity, as the import of his words finally struck her, she broke down like a crystal vase hitting the cold stone floor.She had pleaded with him to take her along or atleast to tell her as to why he was doing this to her .She would die without him - she said.At that moment, something burnt with so much intensity within him that he felt like pulling her towards him and embrace her, never to part again. Only the numb awareness of what lay in store for him prevented him from doing so.What had followed thereafter was emotional mayhem as her grief and his enacted antipathy collided in a display of intimate pathos.With the greatest difficulty, he had managed to extricate himself from her desperate embrace and walk away - afraid to look behind, afraid that he would not be able to stop himself from going back to her.
As he reached the Secreteriat building, waves of doubt raised within him - would his action achieve what he had been told it would.He quelled them, telling himself that this was nothing but her that was making him think so.As he entered the gates, he absent-mindedly felt the underside of his jacket.Everything was in place.Precison plannning was another thing he prided himself on and this was his final plan.Crossing the gates and the foyer, he entered the main hall.Dodging the security had been easier than he had accounted for.Looking at the multitude of people inhabiting the hall,he knew that he had selected the right time and location.Now he had to act before anything went wrong.
As he slided his hand under the jacket and flicked the switch, the only image he could see in his eyes was hers, the only sound that rung clear in his ears was hers.The million smithereens that his body blew into were nothing compared to the way her heart had broke that morning.
P.S: I did write this piece, but I find myself unable to find a suitable title for it.If you feel you can do so, you are free to visit the comments section and drop your suggestions there.
Monday, May 22, 2006
On a leisurely, though sultry afternoon, I got into a Churchgate-bound local. The train was not too packed, which gave me the luxury to freely let my gaze move around and observe the various specimens of humanity that call this city their home. From the mandatory newly-wed couple seemingly lost in their own world to the typical share-market somebody conversing on the phone at a decibel level high enough to bring down the WTC, this particular compartment was amost resembling a microcosm of the human species.
The train had crossed Mahim when my ears detected a sound that seemed to be particulary distinct from the rest, a voice that seemed to carry the burden of pathos arising from lost dignity. It belonged to an old woman who seemed to be on the wrong side of 70 at first glance. She was moving around the compartment begging for alms. Now, beggars are not an uncommon entity to come across in this part of the world but this one had something disturbingly different about her. In stark conmtrast to other beggars who seek to literally blackmail you into parting with a few units of Indian currency, she moved across the compartment with her hand stretched out, though she did not seem to be beseeching people for some cash. If somebody did put a coin in her hand, she gratefully acknowledged it, otherwise she just moved on. All along, she seemed to be speaking to herself and I concentrated, trying to make out the contents. As I listened to her, what I managed to make out was - she and her husband were turned out of her house by her son who was of the opinion that they had outlived their utility to him. Since her husband was ailing, she was forced to beg in the trains. Though I was initially reluctatant to believe her entirely, her voice had a honesty that I found difficult to ignore. Also, one of her sentences stayed with me - "Whatever you do in life, ensure that you don't have to depend on your kids in your old age". These were the utterances of someone who had been subjected to the ultimate ignominy - that of your children throwing you away like used towels after all that you had done for them. Those words really disturbed me deep within. They were a symbol of broken faith, and subconsciously I found myself standing in the trial-box - a representative of the 'human' society that had failed her miserably.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
|You Are a Prophet Soul|
You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.
Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.
Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run.
No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way.
You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.
Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.
A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.
You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer.
Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul
Monday, May 08, 2006
|Your Love Life Secrets Are|
Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love.
You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?
You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.
In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.
A break-up usually comes as a shock to you. You always think things are going well.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
So what's it that sends my mind on a trip to neverland today? It's that unfathomable phenomenon which we insufficiently manage to define as Love. More precisely, the following words try to frame my thoughts as to why do we 'love' somebody, why we so desperately want someone to be a part of our life, our being - so much so that if not fulfilled, these desires turn into poison for the soul.
I feel that when we say that we 'love' a person and want to be with him/her, its basic human possessiveness at work. The statement that we love somebody, more often than not, simply means that we desire that person on the basis of not what he/she actually is, but on our perception of who or how he/she is. Essentially, it's our own thought that we are in love with and this is what makes it especially hard to let go when things don't go our way. Human beings have an inborn ego (here I mean a sense of self & self-importance) and it is never too easy to accept that we can ever make a wrong choice or that we don't measure up to somebody's standards or that someone simply does not perceive us in the same way in which we perceive them. This, I believe, is what causes all the heart-burn. When we desire somebody, we effectively invest a part of ourselves into that desire and when the investment does not seem to bear fruit, there is this sense of loss that haunts us to desperation. So, what we are essentially dealing with is a sense of self-loss rather than plain rejection or failure. As with other investments, we then assess the extent of loss and having consoled ourselves that we simply made the wrong choices, we move on. But some wounds cut deeper than the rest. Greater the importance we ascribe to a particular person, higher is the sense of desperation. When we are confronted with rejection from the so-called 'chosen one', the self-imposed stigma of failure is that much greater. We are driven to the edge by our own mind which tells us that we could not measure up to what was our own choice. This is what causes all the pain, all the tears and 'broken hearts' around.
I started off saying that I will be writing about why we desire somebody and looking back, I see that I have actually dwelt more on what happens if we are faced with unrequited love. Maybe I will reserve that for another time and call it a day at this point.
Most of what has written above is solely based on personal experience and observation and I will be the first to agree that these are very inadequate tools when dealing with something as complex and perplexing as human emotions. So, if you feel you have something to say, the comments section is always there :)
Monday, May 01, 2006
|You Have a Melancholic Temperament|
Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.
You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.
You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.
Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.
You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.
Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.
At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.
You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.
You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.
Monday, April 24, 2006
1) A temple in rural Konkan on the way to my native place.
2) The pet parrot at my mom's native place (Devgad). I went there in Dec '05 after a gap of 11 years and she still recognised me as if I had never been away... :)
3) My dad's school...(Shivaji Memorial High School,Kankavli)
4) My niece Jui, she's such a darling... :)
5) Jui again...
6) Fog kissing the hills at Lonavala (15th August 2004)
Sunday, April 23, 2006
1. Were you named after anyone?
Nopes, I am an absolute original.
2. Do you wish on stars?
Never had the chance to do so.
3. When did you last cry?
I don't remember when, but I know why.
4. Do you like your handwriting?
Of course, I have worked really hard towards it & it shows.
5. What is your favourite meat?
Anything that can be classified under "Seafood"
6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf?
Would I really mention it here if it was embarrassing?
7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?
Of course, no doubt about that!!!
8. Are you a daredevil?
Does sleeping in the lectures sitting on the first beanch amount to daredevilry?
9. How do you release anger?
10. Where is your second home?
NCST. We also have a second flat,but since we don't stay there, it's just a house as yet, not a home.
11. Do you trust others easily?
Previously, I was a very trusting person. But nowadays, I balance my trusting nature with a healthy dose of caution.
12. What was your favourite toy(s) as a child?
A cricket bat and a collection of magnets of all shapes and sizes. I had enough magnets with me to start a scrapyard.
13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless?
All of them ;)
On a more serious note though, I believe that there's a whole lot to be learnt from even the worst lecture (or lecturer, for that matter)
14. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Only when I am sure the audience understands it. Otherwise, I resort to straightspeak.
15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
16. What do you look for in a girl?
Just three things - Honesty, sincerity of purpose and a basic common sense.
17. Would you bungee jump?
18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
I think I do.
19. What's your favourite ice cream?
Coffee-Walnut & Chocolate share the #1 spot.
20. What are your favourite colours?
White, Black, & Sky Blue.
21. What are your least favourite things?
Mice (the biological kind), medicines & tele-marketers.
22. How many people do you have a crush on right now?
Now you are putting ideas into my head....
23. Who do you miss most right now?
My friend Sagar, who's in HK working on a project.
24. What are you listening to right now?
"Tu Bin Bataaye" from Rang De Basanti - this song is pure chocolate on silk....
25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Sky Blue or White
26. What is the weather like right now?
Hot & humid.
27. Last person you talked to on the phone?
One of my friends...
28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex?
It would have to be two - Eyes & Smile.
29. Do you like the person who sent you this?
I got it for myself. So, the answer would be a "YES".
30. How are you today?
Slightly exhausted, but nevertheless, in a hapy mood.
31. Favourite non alcoholic drink?
Cold Coffee, Chocolate Milkshake & Plain Milk.
32. Favourite alcoholic drink?
I stay miles away from alcohol.
33. Natural hair colour?
34. Eye colour?
35. Wear contacts?
37. Favourite month?
April (birthday month after all :) )
38. Favourite food?
39. Favourite day of the year?
19th April (Refer answer to Q:37 above)
40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out?
I have always been a very shy person when it comes to asking somebody out. Lets hope that whenever I feel like asking anybody out the next time round, the cat does not get my tongue.
41. Scary movies or happy endings?
Scary movies with happy endings (everybody gets killed - long live the ghost)
42. Summer or winter?
Winter (nothing beats it)
43. Holi or Diwali?
44. Do you like your name?
Yes, very much. I like both the sound and the meaning associated with it.And please don't go saying "Hawa ka jhonka" one more time....
45. What book/magazine are you reading?
"Interpreting your dreams"
46. What's on your mouse pad?
47. What did you watch on TV last night?
I watch too little of TV. Mostly, its just the news.
48. Favourite Smell?
It's the fragrance of flowers we call as Parijaatak, I don't know the English/Latin name for it,though.
49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?
I was, am and (unfortunately, looks as if, will be) single.
50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done?
Filling up this questionnaire ;)
Seriously speaking, attending lectures for 7-8 hours a day in engineering college takes the cake.
Whew!! That's it. I won't tag anybody but if you feel like, go ahead and make a half-century of your own.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Well, this post comes solely on a farmaaish from Aru. When I was chatting with her today morning, she put forth the idea & I instantly agreed to it. Why not? After all, this was the best birthday I have had in YEARS.So, why not preserve the memories for posterity by putting them into words? So here goes....
It all began from the computer lab at NCST.Thanks to Orkut, almost all the 45-50 hostelites (the only species of NCSTians found in the lab or badminton court at 3 in the night, or is it the 3 in the morning?) knew that yours truly was going to start writing the 27th chapter of book of his life. I had started receiving hints from 15th April itself that I was in for a major round of TMPs (Transfer of Momentum to Posterior, also commonly (and less interestingly) known as Birthday Bumps) Around 11 , the lab resembled a deserted cemetery, with only a few souls wandering here and there. I was almost relieved that I would be saved from those deadly TMPs.
But around 11:40, the lab started filling up more rapidly than a 5:44 Borivali fast local at Churchgate. At the stroke of midnight, I was taken outside the lab to the badminton court and what followed thereafter was mayhem. I was tossed up and down, TMPs were delivered, all to the background music of "Happy Budday to You...". After being airborne for 4-5 minutes (it seemed like eternity,though), a round of handshakes,embraces and jokes followed. After that, I returned to my flat where my roomies (Vinod & Nirav) and a hostelite friend (Mithun) had arranged for a nice cake for me. Actually, they had planned it to be a surprise but I knew what they were upto as I had known that Nirav & Mithun had gone to the marketplace and also, when I was entering the building, I noticed the candle-light flickering in my flat.But I really enjoyed it. In the meanwhile, from 12 to 12:45, Aru & I played the "Pehchaan Kaun" game ;)
After polishing off the cake and chatting with them, I caught a flight to dreamland at about 2 AM.
Next day ie: 19th was "Chocolate Distribution Day". I disributed chocolates to my classmates. It reminded me of my school days where I never got to distribute chocolates as my birthday happened during the summer vacations and students used to make me distribute chocolates during the first week of school to compensate. On my way home that day, I dropped in to the new office of the company I used to work for previously to meet some ex-colleagues. Then I came home, where my mom did aukshan (she does not believe in cake-cutting), followed by lip-smackingly good food. To finish off a good day, did some project-related work and went off to sleep.
This, in a nutshell, was what transpired in those 24 hours. In fact, a lot more happened, but thats not for public consumption.So, this should be it...
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
As my birthday is approaching, I find myself getting into an introspective and reflective kind of a mind-state, wherein I tend to analyse more than observe, to infer more than record.As is usual practice, every year around my birthday, I look back at the year gone by, take stock of how my lifescape changed over the past 365 days, what went right, what didn't and so on. Though every time this is strictly for my own consumption, this time, I feel compelled to do it in full public view. What prompts me to do so, I don't know. Maybe it has got something to do with my newfound spring of extroversion. Well, so here it goes...
For sake of clarity of thought and to avoid overlapping, I will be following the pattern they follow in those "Yearly Future Forecasts" in the newspapers and will be dividing it into a few broad catogories. Though I find that style of division a bit corny, I will stick to the same as it is most appropriate over here...
1) Career :
This was an area where the most radical of changes took place, or rather were effected by me. I switched tribes from those who build the real world to those who build the virtual one. It was perhaps the most difficult and in hindsight, the best decision I ever made. It was not at all an easy one to make though. After all, it can never be easy to have an established career with potential for growth and then chuck it away because that's not what you want to be doing for the rest of your life; and that too, at a stage in your life, when you are expected to be settling down into a smooth rhythm. Charting a new course at this point takes a whole lot of self-belief,courage and last but certainly not the least, excellent negotiation skills. At least I needed a bunch of them in order to convince my parents that whatever I had decided for myself, was in everybody's best interests. That if I was unhappy in my current career, now was the time to make a positive change rather than simply repenting 5-10 years down the line, when any change would be well nigh impossible. Also, at this jucture, it was not just about me, it was about them,too. With my father's retirement about a year away (this was 10 months back), financial aspects had to be kept in mind,too. Fortunately, after initial hesitation, they whole-heartedly supported me and continue to do so. Also, the fact that after 2 years of working, I had enough moolah on me to pay my course fees without burdening them too much also helped. At this stage, I am really happy with the decision I took and regardless of how things turn out in the future I will always feel proud of myself for having the courage to take life in my own hands rather than simply going along with the flow.
2) Human Connections :
I prefer the above terminology as opposed to done-to-death words like "Relationships", "Friendships","Love", "Romance" and so on. This was another area where the lifescape underwent sweeping changes. And I must say that whatever happened in this area surprised (and sometimes even shocked) me no end when it actually occured, but looking back now, I don't feel the slightest hint of surprise. In the year gone by, thanks to a career switch and also due to going back to college once again, I made a whole new set of friends. This was also the year when I had to lay the tombstone on what I had thought of as a beautiful friendship. I only hope that it proves to be that seed which dies itself, only to give rise to a thousand blossoms.Also, I managed to connect to a wide variety of individuals, people whom I have never met before, whose only connection to me is perhaps just a stream of electrons flowing back and forth; but with whom I connected in a manner I never thought was possible before. "Strangers are merely friends waiting to happen" was just a sentimental cliche according to me before, now I have sort of come to believe in it.